Filing

Throughout my normal day, I probably sleep for 10 hours of it, and listen to music for the other 14 hours. Whether I'm working, doing laundry, eating, I always have an ear-bud in my ear. "Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent."~Victor Hugo~.  I am always listening to music.

Lately, though, I found my old iPod Nano from about four years back and have been listening to that music. The genres vary: country, pop, jazz, movie soundtracks, etc...Until one day a song came on that I haven't heard in years. It has been on replay for the past 5 days, and will continue to be that way for about a week at the bare minimum.

All About Us -ft. Owl City by He Is We.

Back when my friendship with Quinn had just begun, I remember her saying that she loved the band He Is We. I'd only heard one song that they'd produced -All About Us. It wasn't my favorite song ever, but it was sweet and memorable. So, when she had said "I love He Is We, especially All About Us -it's such an adorable song", I tucked it into the back of my brain where I keep all the little tidbits of information on every person I interact with. Harmless, now that I think about it, but a dangerous pastime if you find yourself wanting to get over someone.

The ability to memorize small characteristics and attributes about people has always been fairly easy for me. It's like my brain is one giant storage cabinet filled with tons of files. When someone mentions their favorite color or a book they like, etc., my mind automatically writes that into their file. Granted, it's pretty handy when I need to buy a gift, or something like that. One would think, "Oh, that actually would be nice; you'd never worry about a birthday or Christmas present ever again." While that's true, this "skill" is also a freakin' curse. Every detail that I remember, no matter how insignificant or meaningless it may seem at the time, will go into my files. And once the info checks in, it never checks out. Updates, maybe, but never erases completely.

Why would this suck? It's pretty obvious. After spending so much time with Quinn -as well as every other girl that I've cared about- piles and piles of useless detail have begun cluttering my brain, and it's nearly impossible to remove. For example:

Quinn

• Has dance on Monday and Friday from 3-5, or 3-7. 
• She works from 3-8:30 on Tuesdays-Thursdays, as well as Saturday. 
• Rainy weather is her favorite. She hates the heat, especially during the summer, and prefers it to be cold.
• She has an extremely low tolerance to pain, and is prone to passing out when experiencing it.
• Some of her favorite candies are (when she eats them) Kit-Kats, Mambas, and chocolate.
• In her entire life, she's locked herself out of her car a total of 3 times, and had to use a wire to unlock it and retrieve her keys.
• She has 7 biological siblings, 5 adopted/step siblings, and most of them live nearby.

I could literally go on and on. Most of the ones above are facts, rather than little things about her likes/dislikes, but due to her right to privacy, I would never share those with anybody.

My point is, sometimes, it may not always be good to know someone that well; to be as close to someone as I was with her. The small details can either help or hurt you. On rainy days, I think of Quinn and how she always wanted to dance in it. Every time I hear a certain song, she pops into my head. I can't help it. It's definitely gotten easier to deal with as the time passes, but the memory of her will never check out. Through all of this, I've learned a valuable lesson: Sometimes life doesn't go the way you want it to, and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. All you can do is prepare yourself for the next storm, put up your walls, and wait it out.