Thursday, December 25, 2014

Cutting the Cord

A few months ago, I received a letter from Quinn. I woke up to an alert on my phone, saying that I received a text message. Normally, I wouldn't care so much that early in the morning (well, it was 11:30 am), but I opened it anyway.

Text message from: Quinn

You see, back then, I found myself getting nervous just at the thought of seeing her. At Mission Prep every week, I would arrive, sit, and psych myself out until I saw her walk through the door with Trinity. It took all my willpower to focus on the lesson, rather than the near-perfect view I had of Quinn's side profile. And honestly, it's still like that, sometimes. After dragging my new friend, Jared, with me each week, I have found something else to focus on. But my ADHD brain manages to catch every movement either of them makes. It's torture. But I still go. Why? To be completely honest, I don't want them to suspect that anything is wrong. I don't want others to think that, maybe, I can't stand to be in the same room as them. I mean, even though it's completely true, it's none of anybody's business, now is it? 

Anywho, I opened the text, heart pounding, and it read: 

There's a letter for you on your door.

What? I got up, practically ran to my front door, and yanked it open. Sure enough, there was a small envelope with the words "Alex Cohen" written on it. In her handwriting. 

Crap. I ripped it off the door, then made my way back to my room. A million thoughts were bouncing around in my head. Wait, why is she writing me this? Aren't we were good? She said we were not two weeks ago. What did I do? What do I do? Oh gosh, I can't go through all of this crap again. I can't stand it if she breaks it off again. 

"Get it together, Cohen. Just open the letter." So I did. I tore it open, nearly ripping the paper, and read:

Alex,
    Please know that I am writing this out of the love that I have for you. It's no secret that you and I have gone through a lot together. We have both learned very valuable lessons and had very enjoyable times together. Honestly; I've had a lot of fun with you throughout this friendship.
    I know you probably have an idea of what's coming so I will get to the point: It's time to cut the cord. Completely. And for real. I promise this is not out of spite or annoyance, however it may seem. It is truly out of my love and concern for you.
    Alex, we both know that you need to move on and go somewhere with your life. And that isn't happening. I know that part of that is because of your connection with me. I'm still in high school, and you aren't. It's time for you to pursue your dreams. Decide where you want to take your life. And He will help you, Alex. "If the Lord can feed five thousand people with a single loaf of bread, imagine what He can do with a single life."
    I really wish the best for you. You have such an incredible potential and I am pleading with you to fulfill it. It will take you to amazing places in this life and in the next. I hope you find what you want out of life and that you receive the help you need to make it back to our loving Father in Heaven. I want to help you, and I feel that "cutting the cord" is the best way to do so. I've prayed about this so much and fasted, too. And this is what I feel is right.
    I love you, Alex. The Lord loves you, and ALL things are possible because of Him. (Mark 10:27) All things, Alex. One hundred percent. You have reason to hope (Moroni 7:41), you have cause to rejoice (D&C 29:5). President Hinckley said, "Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great and strong purpose in heart."

I have faith in you, Alex. This really isn't easy, but please understand I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't feel it was the right thing to do. Go get 'em, Alex.

I'll be praying for you. (Moroni 8:3)

Quinn


For a few minutes, I just sat there, staring at my door. I couldn't process anything. I sat on my bed, not blinking, wondering what to make of this sudden decision.

Suddenly, my walls came crashing down. Emotions ran through my body, namely one: Anger. I can't believe she's doing this to me! Again. AGAIN! I looked at my clock, gauging how much time I had before the school bell rang at 11:51, ending lunch and signaling 5 minutes to get to the next class by 11:56. 

11:36. 15 minutes.

Good enough. 

Before I could think clearly, I pulled on my jacket, slipped on my shoes, and bolted out the door.

The thing is; I've never been a runner. I hate it, in fact. I'm no good at lasting very long. But that day, I made it to school in half the time it would've normally taken. Granted, I lived about 10 minutes away at a leisurely pace, but I made it there in 4.5. Not really caring what I looked like, I ran into the choir room, where all of the Madrigals would eat. 

11:40

I burst in the door, probably looking like I was crazy, and searched the room. There were kids everywhere. I ran from room to room, just in case she was moving. I couldn't find her. So I ran back outside. 

Once outside, I spotted a familiar flash of blonde. I looked, hopeful, then slumped my shoulders. It was Trinity. 

"Hey Trin!" I cupped my hands and shouted to her. "Have you seen Quinn?"

She squinted up at me, "We just got back from lunch, but she drove separately."

"Thanks!" I ran over to the seminary building, knowing that she would be pulling up any minute. 

11:45

I waited. Two minutes later, her familiar car pulled in its usual spot. 

11:47 

She got out of her car, grabbing her things from the backseat when I walked up to her. She didn't notice until she looked up. "You scared me!" A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

I wasn't having any of that. "What is this?!" I held up her note, adrenaline coursing through my already-hot veins.

Her expression faded, turning the conversation to a more serious standpoint. She didn't answer, but looked directly into my infuriated eyes. 

It took a moment for me to compose myself as I attempted to put all my feelings into one sentence.

11:49

"Why?" I'm pretty sure I did not look as confident as I felt, but after saying that, something inside me broke. My anger was gone, replaced by defeat.

"Because, Alex. I explained it in the letter." She motioned to the nearly crumpled envelope in my hand. "I fasted and prayed, and I felt like it was right." Her blue eyes connected with mine, sending a message of finality. 

11:51 

The first bell rang. Lunch was almost over. Our conversation was almost over.

She began walking towards the school, leaving me dumbfounded in the parking lot. After shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I ran after her. 

"Wait!" I called, she ignored me. "Fine." I had caught up to her at that point, standing directly in front of her with the last of my conviction. "But don't I at least get a hug goodbye?"

Quinn stopped, surprised by my words, then looked down at the pavement. 

"No."

She brushed past me, making her way into the school. I stared after her, wishing with all my heart that she would look back before the final bell rang.

She didn't.

11:56

Lunch was officially over. Whatever friendship we had, was gone. And it took only 20 minutes.

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