Moments

Throughout the year, we (Quinn and I) had many...Moments. Moments where it was just us, with nobody to be but ourselves. These are the moments that I will remember for the rest of my life. Some were more prominent than others, while some only lasted a few minutes. While I remember all of them distinctly, there's one that loves to float around in my mind.


I pat the ground next to me, gesturing for her to sit. "Come on. Sit down."

I can barely make out her outline in the darkness as she takes my offer. Resting her back against the door, she slides down to the ground. Something is troubling her.

"What is it?" I turn towards her, eyes still adjusting to the dim light. She doesn't look at me and leans her head back against the door, staring at the ceiling.

"I don't know," she says, clearly keeping something from me. "I just have a lot on my mind."

It saddens me to see her so weighed down. She's normally full of energy and joy, and seeing her like this breaks my heart. 

"You know," I begin slowly, "Remember when I said that you'd always have my shoulder to lean on? That's still totally up for grabs." I give her a half-hearted smile before realizing she can't see it. 

I hear her laugh lightly, then begin to move. Since I'm taller than her, I have to slouch for her head to rest comfortably on my shoulder. While we adjust, her shoulder moves slightly behind mine, leaving us to lean on each other. As she settles in, the smell of her overloads my senses. I lean my head on hers, taking all of it in, when I suddenly feel a tickling sensation on my outstretched hand. 

I tense for a split-second, mentally preparing myself for the spider bite that is sure to come. But it doesn't. It takes me a moment to register that the tickling feeling is her fingertips sliding up towards mine. My breath catches in my throat, mind buzzing from the fact that she actually wants to hold my hand. I shift my gaze down to where her fingers are lacing through mine and think, A perfect fit. I smile and sigh, not wanting the moment to end.

She must've heard me, because she tilts her head up on my shoulder, squinting at me through the dark. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I chuckle. "I thought it was a spider for a second, and I was going to go all ninja on it."

I feel her smile beside me, then lay her head back down. We sit in a comfortable silence for a while, neither of us saying anything, despite all of the things I want to tell her.

I mentally restrain myself from opening my mouth, afraid I won't be able to stop talking once I start. I want to say, "Quinn, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I never knew what it was like to love somebody so completely, and have them feel the same in return. Of all the people in my life, none of them will be as adorable, as amazing, or as fulfilling as you are. You make me feel like I am worth something, that I don't have to hide who I am. Because when I'm around you, I never do. You've seen all the darkest parts of me, yet you care for me just as much as you would if you didn't know. I know I always say 'I love you', but it's true. 100%. I legitimately don't care about anything else on this planet as long as you're beside me. When I'm with you...I finally understand what people are talking about when they talk about love."

Tears well up behind my eyes, threatening to spill out. I manage to fight nearly all of them back, with the exception of one rolling down my cheek. I don't wipe it away, not wanting to disrupt the moment. Instead, I just close my eyes and rest my head on hers, breathing her in. 


At that moment, where we just listened to each other breathing, leaning against one another -that was the happiest moment of my life. I felt so content, like the world could be ending and I wouldn't bat an eyelash. Everything I'd ever wanted was right beside me, and I didn't even realize it until then. 

Quinn was all I'd ever wanted. 

I mean, obviously I needed more than just a person, but it didn't seem that way. At that exact moment in time, I could've lived for hundreds of years off the love I had for that girl. It went so much deeper than anything I'd ever felt before. It was like there was a tether from her to my chest, tugging me ever closer towards her. I couldn't manage to get my boy close enough to hers. Every time I hugged her, I held her as tight as I could, trying to relieve the pull  that seemingly dragged me to her. I couldn't get enough of her. Her smell, her presence, her. I spent every possible minute by her side, always having physical contact. I'd lay my head on her shoulder, rest my hand on her thigh, or even wrap my arm around her waist. 

Was it a little weird for everyone else? Maybe. Probably.

Should I have been that close? Maybe. Probably not.  

Did I care? 

Not. One. Bit. 

She was my best friend, and I was hers. There was nothing that could change that. 

Or so I thought.